things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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