doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
