Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
