I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
