smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i came on her dog
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
