nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
