if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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