Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
