its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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