nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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