Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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