NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
