I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
