My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
