It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
