just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
