i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
