some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
