She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
