I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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