i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
