Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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