If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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