Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
