i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
