meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
