when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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