Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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