Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
