Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
