is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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