Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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