My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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