Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
