Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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