Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
