I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
