this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
