We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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