Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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