you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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