my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
