ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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