That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
