I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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