oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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