Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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