i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
