Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Say something about gay babies.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
