sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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