If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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