I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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