you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
