Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
