First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
