my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
