I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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